What falling out of love felt like

by Girlinshadows

I would’ve never expected that I was going to fall out of love with you, but I did.

It’s really not that I didn’t want to love you anymore. I tried, honestly I have.

Still no matter what, I couldn’t make myself fall back in love with you.

And it was hard for me too, to watch our love fade away and to know that there was nothing I could do to stop it from doing so. But it was beyond my control.

The damage had already been done, despite all our efforts.

 

Conversations got dull,

Kisses had turned into a routine.

Seeing you was no longer exciting.

In fact, knowing I would see you brought me anxiety.

Not the “butterflies” kind of anxiety; a bad kind.

The kind that makes you want to pack a bag and run away.

You used to seem so perfect to me.

I thought our love would live on for years.

But I guess we weren’t strong enough, to fight against our demons.

To fight against losing our affection for one another.

We both stopped desiring each other in the needy way that we used to.

 

At times, I would get so tired of seeing you, I felt like throwing up.

The very sight of you had become something revolting.

It’s like our excessive love killed us.

We loved the love out of each other.

We took each other for granted.

I knew that every day when I’d come home you would call.

I knew that no matter what you would run back to me.

 

There were times, when I would close my eyes, and wished that you could disappear.

Or when I knew I was about to walk into a place and see you, I would stand outside the door for a minute- just to gather enough courage to face you.

Being in love had simply turned into a painful chore.

I could feel our love dying every minute we spent together.

Yet the worst part is, I couldn’t wait for it to die.