Heart ache

by Girlinshadows (Theheroiccouplet)

I was expecting you to show a little more emotion, some empathy or sympathy, anything really. But you just stared at me, blank-eyed, as I stood before you and told you I wanted to end things between us. I didn’t even really want to, I had to. I have loved you too deeply, and I still do. But you kept hurting me, and hurting me, and I figured if I stayed with you, I would end up broken, shattered. I couldn’t let myself go through anymore pain. I told you, but you didn’t mind. It’s funny, you know? You told me you loved me so many times, you kissed me so passionately, you said you’d do anything for me; I ended up believing you.

Never before have I felt like a greater fool than I do right now. I was never this naive. I considered myself to be intelligent and strong, and I always used to keep my walls high. But you came along, and knocked them down. I showed you every inch of ugliness inside my soul. I let you in, it was the first time I let anyone in. How could you not have cared? How could you have felt nothing? How could you have been lying to me for so long, without feeling any guilt? Couldn’t you see I was falling for you? I was vulnerable for you. I was weak, and I was humiliated. You destroyed me. I never expected you would have been the one to destruct me. I had dreams about us two, I did. I’ll always remember how you’d hold me, and I just felt like I could disappear, in that very moment. I would lay on you, and I felt like I could sleep there soundly, like a child. I could just close my eyes, and turn into nothing.

After what you did to me, I’m never going to let anyone in again. You will never understand how I’ve matured, grieving for you. Or how devotedly I gave myself to you. You broke me, but with all the stones you’ve thrown at me, I’ll build a wall higher than any wall I’ve built before. And I’ll make sure no one manages to knock my walls down ever again.