Bipolar

by Girlinshadows (Theheroiccouplet)

As a teen with bipolar disorder, I thought I’d grab the opportunity to reach out to my readers, in order to raise awareness about this disorder. Also, having experienced the effects of it first hand, I’ll demonstrate what being bipolar really feels like.

Bipolar disorder is quite misunderstood. Being bipolar doesn’t mean you’re crazy, bitchy, or weird. I am as normal as anyone else. People don’t even realize I have it. In fact, you probably have no idea how many people you know have this disorder without you realizing. It is not always obvious, just like depression. However, contrary to common belief, bipolar disorder is not the same thing as depression. It often does involve clinical depression or mania, but they are completely different illnesses. The severity of mood episodes vary, so there can be people with mild episodes, to people with extreme episodes.

I have always had this disorder in a small degree, however it got worse about when I turned 15. The symptoms I noticed that came along with it, was increased appetite, difficulty concentrating and remembering, getting tired more easily, feeling pessimism, having irregular sleep, loss of interest or pleasure in things I used to enjoy, digestive problems, “empty” moods, restlessness and irritability. One moment I’m happy and filled with positive emotions, I’m in love, willing to hang out with people and make jokes; and the next moment I just want to shut everyone out, stay in bed and watch movies and eat. I stop feeling things, I don’t even feel sadness or guilt, I just feel empty. And there are some moments where I feel intense sadness for no particular reason. But I learned that the more I try to fight it, the worse it gets. So I just sit quietly, and wait for my episodes to go away on their own. I learned to accept the way I am, because this disorder is here to stay. I warn everyone who tries to enter my life that I am unstable, and if they’re not prepared to keep up with my disorder, I am forced to let them go. It is hard to live like this, but you get used to it. Quite honestly, I think I’m starting to love my bipolar disorder. It makes me unique and different- in a good way.

 

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