My childhood love
by Girlinshadows (Theheroiccouplet)
We all had crushes, and fell in love as kids; and we all have one love who we never truly forgot, nor will we ever. When I was 13, I fell in love with a boy who had a melancholic soul. He was troubled, but I loved how sad he was. I loved him for all his pain and suffering. I was the only one who could see beyond the disguise he showed to the world. I could see how inside of him there was hope and passion and lust. He was older than me, but we were in love.
He loved my purity and innocence. He loved how I was intelligent and how I embraced all his faults. We never tried to change each other, he accepted me; and I accepted him. He didn’t live far from my house, so I remember seeing him around quite often. We met up sometimes, but didn’t talk much. He would simply light a cigarette and I would watch him slowly blow the smoke away, along with whatever was troubling him.
Needless to say, it didn’t end too well. We came from such different worlds, and eventually we realized it wasn’t going to work out between us. He remained the same, but I changed. I changed, and I never went back.
I still see him sometimes. I see him driving around in his motorbike with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He remains unchanged. And I can’t help but miss our awkward silences, our gentle conversations. I so badly want to go up to him and ask him how he’s holding up, since his best friend shot himself a few months ago. Everyone used to tell me he would be a bad influence to me, they warned me to stay away from him. But the truth is, no one knew him the way I did. The “bad boy” everyone saw in him was nothing but a cover up, so they couldn’t see his inner sensitivity.
And I saw him again today, and he turned to me, caught me staring. So I just wonder, did he recognize me? When he thinks of me, does that old feeling of young love come to his mind, like a distant memory that never really faded? Does he remember the sensation of our fingers perfectly locking together when we held hands? I know I do…