A letter to my friend

by Girlinshadows (Theheroiccouplet)

Dear friend,

I understand that you’re probably going through a phase, but that doesn’t mean I have to go through it with you. I have gone through enough phases already and this is the last thing I need right now. Just because you feel like you’re falling down, doesn’t mean you have to drag me down with you. I’m really sorry, I don’t mean to be a bad friend. It’s just that in this life, I learned that the only way to be happy is to be selfish.

I am tired of picking up the pieces of your broken heart after your boyfriends, of only a couple of moths, have dumped you. I am tired of consoling and complimenting you in order for you to feel better about yourself, after a guy never called you back. I don’t know since when you became so easy with men but I can tell you that I am not happy about it, not out of jealousy- which is what you’d suggest-, but out of genuine concern. I am sick of having to take selfies and stalking your exes on Instagram. Since when are you this shallow? I refuse to become supportive of this new person you’ve become.

You see, dear friend, you make me out as the bad guy because I’m the only one who keeps on telling you that what you’re doing is wrong. But that is because I am the only one who worries about you, the only one who would hate to see you hurt or regretful. The other girls you like to call your friends, were never indeed the ones who  picked you up when you’d fall down. They’ve never seen you in the wrecked state that I have. Maybe if they had, they would have left. But I stayed, and I took care of you for all these years.

I honestly don’t know when you started drinking or when you started smoking, or when boys became such an important part of your life, but I do know I am responsible. I have always lived a more daring kind of lifestyle,a kind that suited my personality. Because I would never pretend to be anyone I’m not. But the fact that you’re following my footsteps is not making me happy, not at all. I am sorry for dragging you into this mess. You never belonged in this fucked up little world of ours. You were always the shy, quiet one. You were insecure and innocent. I blame myself for all of it. For the times I had to carry you out of clubs because you drank too much, or the time I had to wipe your tears because you slept with a guy and then he left you for another girl.

I eventually reached a point where seeing you, only seeing you, made me want to throw up. It messed me up mentally and affected my psychology. So my doctor said I should avoid you, as much as possible. I cannot sacrifice my happiness only because you chose to sacrifice your own.  I have tried my best to help you, but at the end of the day you’re the only one that can help yourself. I have lost my happiness once before, and it took years for me to be happy again, repair my life which had fallen apart. I have seen what it’s like to be in the darkness. So  forgive me, dear friend, but you are nothing but a dark abyss and I cannot stare inside of you any longer.

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