The wanderess

( tumblr: Theheroiccouplet) Let's question the meaning of life together.

HOW TO MISS ME: A GUIDE

Miss me

In the way the waves

miss the shore,

the way the Moon misses the Sun

and all those cliches

 

Miss me silently.

Cry yourself to sleep, but tell no one.

Get yourself a journal and start writing.

 

Turn our story into poetry,

Your pain into a novel.

Make me a hero, or a villain,

if you wish.

 

Write about me until you heal.

Every time you write my name, notice how

it fades a little.

It’ll disappear eventually; I promise.

 

And if you still me after all this

Don’t worry.

You will miss me. And you will keep missing me,

Until you don’t.

 

 

-F.Z (thewanderess)

 

 

HOW TO LEAVE ME: A GUIDE

When you leave,

Don’t bother saying goodbye.

Don’t make it harder than it already is.

 

Don’t bother texting that you miss me.

I’m not the kind of person

who offers second chances.

 

-If you loved me enough, you never would have left-

 

Don’t explain yourself,

You owe me no apologies.

People fall out of love all the time.

 

It’s okay. You don’t have to lie

that it’s your fault.

Tell me I wasn’t good enough.

 

Hurt me enough so I’ll never come back.

Leave not a single trace of hope inside of me.

Hurt me so I can learn to heal;

Hurt me, so I can finally love myself again.

 

 

-F.Z (thewanderess)

HOW TO LOVE ME: A GUIDE

Read all of my poems

and become one with what I write.

 

Listen to the way I play the piano,

The way I occasionally sing off-pitch.

 

Notice how I chew my food,

What I sound like coming down the stairs.

 

Go through every corner of my chaotic mind,

and come out unafraid.

 

Emerge from darkest memories

And fight away my fears.

 

On days when I am hard to love,

Love me like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

 

Love me in a clumsy, imperfect way.

I don’t care;

Just as long as you do.

 

-F.Z (thewanderess)

this one’s for YOU

Yes, YOU; The person reading this right now.

I just wanted to remind you, you’re worth more than you think. I know that, without even having to know you. Cut yourself some slack. Learn to hold your own hand. You can love yourself- and that is enough. I know you’re going through something tough lately, but that’s not a reason for you to feel unworthy. Think of that one thing you once did that you’re so proud of. See? You can achieve anything.

Identity confusion

I think I finally realized what mistake I made with you. I didn’t just let myself love you; I let myself be owned by you. You became my only home. I let go of every habit, every aspiration and goal I had in life, and focused fully on becoming what you wanted me to be.

I was so overly-consumed in my attempt to perpetually please you, that I completely lost every inch of my identity. Who was I? A simulation of you. You- only smaller, and unoriginal.

“Happy” Women’s Day

Men won’t listen. Not even if you cry and scream.

I was only 16 when I was touched against my will.

Sex is not all we’re good for.

Our bodies aren’t yours to abuse.

Going home on foot still frightens me, mother.

You grabbed my hands and pressed against them with your fists so that I couldn’t move.

Now you’re older, perhaps you don’t remember what happened that day.

You never imagined it would happen to your daughter, too.

 

When you left

I was so hurt,

that I became sensitive.

I was broken

and so every time someone touched me,

it hurt.

Just a simple touch

was enough to make me cry and wail.

Situations I would previously be indifferent about

Now mattered more than my own mental health.

Insignificant pain

had become unbearable.

I couldn’t stand even the tiniest bit of heartbreak anymore;

I would simply break down.

I became weak.

All that trauma had softened me.

 

But I guess I deserved it.

For all the people I’ve hurt in the past,

all the empathy I used to lack;

I wonder how many hearts I’ve shattered,

How many fires I put out and turned people cold.

 

And just how I turned others into vulnerable beings

without feeling the tiniest bit of guilt,

It was my time to turn into one.

 

-F.Z (thewanderessblog)

Silk

Love is made of silk

And there will always be a gap in life

That you’ll never quite be able to fill

 

And loneliness

May make you feel unworthy

I lull myself to sleep with the sweet song of our memories

 

Every time I smell that brand of cigarettes I think of you

I wish we could capture scents

just like we can capture images and record sounds

Scent is the most powerful of our senses

It is not the only one that can evoke feelings

But it’s the only one that can awaken memories

and take you back to a precise location at a precise time

 

Your heart may feel fragile right now

But it is constructed to be able to withstand

this pain you’re going through

In all its beautiful complexity

Its layers of powerful muscles

It will never allow something so small

To break it

.

 

-theheroiccouplet/thewanderess (F.z)

 

Waves

Write me a poem

About how my attenuated body is carried by the ocean’s tide

About how  my misery makes me feel

Like I’m drowning.

 

Write me a poem

About all the times you’ve dreamt about me

About the way we hold each other through the waves

So we can either be each other’s saviors, or weigh each other down.

 

Carry me along

Through rough seas and into the wildest thunderstorms

Your ubiquitous beauty

And throw your anchor on my heart

 

When you cry

I will make waterfalls out of your tears

In which I soak my body and rest my mind.

 

Be my ocean

And I will search for the hidden treasure in the depths of your soul.

 

Then let me be your ship

And will take you on voyages

While I kiss your salty lip.

-theheroiccouplet/ thewanderess (f.z)

New Year

Time to say goodbye to yet another year. 2016 has been more than kind to me. I think it’s safe to say it was the best year of my life so far. Never before have I been so sad to be saying goodbye to a year. I’ll never forget you twenty sixteen.

2017 didn’t quite start out as I wanted it to. I try not to be to one-sided on my opinion of this year, because once I have something in my head, I can’t get it out. Precisely 1:59 am of the 1st of the year; Everybody’s out partying and I’m alone at home. Everyone is out celebrating the new year, but I’m just blogging with a glass of wine to keep me warm.

Loneliness has never bothered me. I strongly believe it is purely an illusion to think you’re not alone. Company will always be temporary. But on such day, I guess it would have been nice to be with someone I love. Anyone- even a dog would have been nice right now. Loneliness truly messes with people’s minds. It gives a person a lot of space and time to think; To over-analyse. And I can’t help but think of all the people I’ve lost lately. 2016 was indeed the year I loved, but it was also the year I lost.

Nevertheless, let’s wish 2017 doesn’t disappoint. Hopefully it brings joy and laughter to each of our homes. I’d like to send positive vibes to all of you for this year. I hope 2017 brings to you everything you were deprived so far.