The wanderess

( tumblr: Theheroiccouplet) Let's question the meaning of life together.

HOW TO RETURN TO ME: A GUIDE

Don’t.

HOW TO FORGET ME: A GUIDE

Every time you turn to look at her

Only to realize her eyes lack the spark that shone in mine-

Light her eyes on fire.

 

If she doesn’t write about you

Stop reading.

 

Burn my poems and my letters

And our pictures

Then use the flame to warm her heart.

 

At nights,

when you close your eyes and see me,

Try to replace my face with hers.

 

Stop smoking my cigarettes,

Stop singing along to Queen.

When you walk into a room and suffocate in the smell of my Chanel perfume,

Stop breathing.

 

When our souls collided,

They combined- Delving into each other-

Gently embodying into one, definite form.

 

My best advice on how to forget me?

Stop being yourself.

Because a part of me consists of you,

And a part of you consists of me.

 

Become somebody new.

Replace your broken, dysfunctional heart

with a better one, made of stone.

 

Erase our memories,

Conceal your mind with layers and layers

Of lies, illusions,

Hatred.

 

Have you forgotten me yet?

 

 -F.Z (Thewanderess/ theheroiccouplet)

 

HOW TO MISS ME: A GUIDE

Miss me

In the way the waves

miss the shore,

the way the Moon misses the Sun

and all those cliches

 

Miss me silently.

Cry yourself to sleep, but tell no one.

Get yourself a journal and start writing.

 

Turn our story into poetry,

Your pain into a novel.

Make me a hero, or a villain,

if you wish.

 

Write about me until you heal.

Every time you write my name, notice how

it fades a little.

It’ll disappear eventually; I promise.

 

And if you still miss me after all this

Don’t worry.

You will miss me. And you will keep missing me,

Until you don’t.

 

 

-F.Z (thewanderess)

 

 

HOW TO LEAVE ME: A GUIDE

When you leave,

Don’t bother saying goodbye.

Don’t make it harder than it already is.

Don’t bother texting that you miss me.

I’m not the kind of person

who offers second chances.

-If you loved me enough, you never would have left-

Don’t explain yourself,

You owe me no apologies.

People fall out of love all the time.

It’s okay. You don’t have to lie

that it’s your fault.

Tell me I wasn’t good enough.

Hurt me enough so I’ll never come back.

Leave not a single trace of hope inside of me.

Hurt me so I can learn to heal;

Hurt me, until I can finally love myself again.

-F.Z (thewanderess)

HOW TO LOVE ME: A GUIDE

Read all of my poems

and become one with what I write.

 

Listen to the way I play the piano,

The way I occasionally sing off-pitch.

 

Notice how I chew my food,

What I sound like coming down the stairs.

 

Go through every corner of my chaotic mind,

and come out unafraid.

 

Emerge from my darkest memories

And fight away my fears.

 

On days when I am hard to love,

Love me like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

 

Love me in a clumsy, imperfect way.

I don’t care;

Just as long as you do.

 

-F.Z (thewanderess)

this one’s for YOU

Yes, YOU; The person reading this right now.

I just wanted to remind you, you’re worth more than you think. I know that, without even having to know you. Cut yourself some slack. Learn to hold your own hand. You can love yourself- and that is enough. I know you’re going through something tough lately, but that’s not a reason for you to feel unworthy. Think of that one thing you once did that you’re so proud of. See? You can achieve anything.

Identity confusion

I think I finally realized what mistake I made with you. I didn’t just let myself love you; I let myself be owned by you. You became my only home. I let go of every habit, every aspiration and goal I had in life, and focused fully on becoming what you wanted me to be.

I was so overly-consumed in my attempt to perpetually please you, that I completely lost every inch of my identity. Who was I? A simulation of you. You- only smaller, and unoriginal.

“Happy” Women’s Day

Men won’t listen. Not even if you cry and scream.

I was only 16 when I was touched against my will.

Sex is not all we’re good for.

Our bodies aren’t yours to abuse.

Going home on foot still frightens me, mother.

You grabbed my hands and pressed against them with your fists so that I couldn’t move.

Now you’re older, perhaps you don’t remember what happened that day.

You never imagined it would happen to your daughter, too.

 

When you left

I was so hurt,

that I became sensitive.

I was broken

and so every time someone touched me,

it hurt.

Just a simple touch

was enough to make me cry and wail.

Situations I would previously be indifferent about

Now mattered more than my own mental health.

Insignificant pain

had become unbearable.

I couldn’t stand even the tiniest bit of heartbreak anymore;

I would simply break down.

I became weak.

All that trauma had softened me.

 

But I guess I deserved it.

For all the people I’ve hurt in the past,

all the empathy I used to lack;

I wonder how many hearts I’ve shattered,

How many fires I put out and turned people cold.

 

And just how I turned others into vulnerable beings

without feeling the tiniest bit of guilt,

It was my time to turn into one.

 

-F.Z (thewanderessblog)

Silk

Love is made of silk

And there will always be a gap in life

That you’ll never quite be able to fill

 

And loneliness

May make you feel unworthy

I lull myself to sleep with the sweet song of our memories

 

Every time I smell that brand of cigarettes I think of you

I wish we could capture scents

just like we can capture images and record sounds

Scent is the most powerful of our senses

It is not the only one that can evoke feelings

But it’s the only one that can awaken memories

and take you back to a precise location at a precise time

 

Your heart may feel fragile right now

But it is constructed to be able to withstand

this pain you’re going through

In all its beautiful complexity

Its layers of powerful muscles

It will never allow something so small

To break it

.

 

-theheroiccouplet/thewanderess (F.z)